I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
