Acid is not a monday night drug
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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