Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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