the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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