I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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