Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
