Michael Bay diarrhea
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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