Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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