Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
