Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
