so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you had me at cake vodka
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
