idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
