just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
