You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
