My liver just broke up with me...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
