Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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