It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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