According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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