just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
