margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
