Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
