okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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