yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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