you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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