what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
