She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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