she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
