oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
