he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is the high leading the old right now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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