So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize