just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
