Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
