I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
