My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
