youre lurking in front of me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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