im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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