Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
