She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
