a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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