your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
