i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
