I puked a lego.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
