I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
