Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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