Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
