Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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