apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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