Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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