im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
