i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
