remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
