so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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