how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
