Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
