Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
