What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
