I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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