god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
