The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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