Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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