Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
