I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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