mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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