Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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