how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
