That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
