The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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