Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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