We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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