We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
